I would obsessively think about the past and how I longed to re-live those years. Melissa Weinberg, LCPC, is a psychotherapist in private practice who specializes in the treatment of anxiety and OCD, especially during pregnancy and in the postpartum period. I didn’t lack the connection with my first baby or my second. I can’t sleep at night because my mind runs wild with these thoughts about something happenning to my husband or kids. Baby Blues: Feelings of sadness, fear, anger, or anxiety occurring about 3 days after childbirth and usually ending within 1 to 2 weeks. That’s okay. I just feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t know how to explain to my poor husband what I’m going through. In the past, this condition was not always well understood. Well I like to believe that I believe in it. I have told so many people that if he leaves then I am very screwed with my life. Susan– I lost my mom just after I turned 24. These can be treated with SSRIs, TCAs, Monoamine oxide inhibitors and anxiolytics. Sounds so insane retrospect. But my fears are a little different. We have 2 babies together one on the way and I have more fear of dangerous people around our house at night. i ultimately decided to consult my professor and have started meds. My friends and family try to help by saying I should snap out of it, or try doing things even though I don’t want to, and they have even told me to just live for today. I laid down next to him and asked him to hold me, and I told him that I loved him. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to these thoughts and was too scared to share them with others in fear of being told that I was crazy lol. Please speak to someone you trust if you feel like this is making life hard for you. This might sound wierd to all of you but I’m a 15 year old boy and I just can’t stop thinking about my family dying. I know it’s very scary and upsetting, being a sufferer of anxiety myself. I’m 23 and recently had my 2nd child in September, just 18 months after my 1st. The feeling is definitely more intense with my sons but it also applies to everyone I love and hold dear. http://postpartumprogress.com/womens-mental-health-treatment-programs-specialists-us-canada-australia I really hope someone is near you. Also known as death anxiety, this fear can badly impact on a person's life. You are not crazy for worrying. Postpartum anxiety is characterized as excessive, uncontrollable, and irrational anxiety in the months after giving birth. Have you talked to a therapist? They’ve actually gotten worse. I lost about half of my family because of either cancer or because of something I have done. I’m terrified of finding one of them dead or one on my parents coming and telling me they just found them dead. I began to realize that just as our bodies are designed to heal physically, over time, they are also designed to heal emotionally. I cant sleep at night, during the day I will be fine one minute and than the next a thought of something happening to one of my children or my husband or my parents or my grandparents or or or… pops into my head and I cant get it out. My son is extremely resilient, no fear of death or dying whatsoever. I never told anyone. It needs to know that you are okay and you have to show it you are okay just like you would show your child. This is nearly word for word how I’ve been feeling the past two years since my son was born. I just want to be HAPPY with the HERE AND NOW. I am worried that my doting over her and letting her know I love her so often (usually with kisses that right now she really doesn’t want, she just wants to be chasing the cats! This is LITERALLY the best website. ThiS is me. The three most common fears are fear of death, fear of losing control, and fear of going crazy. Phobia for the infant: a mother with infant-focused anxiety may develop a phobia for the infant. Postpartum anxiety disorder is a cousin to postpartum depression (PPD) that affects about 10 percent of new moms, according to the American Pregnancy Association. I am terrified of dying…I am terrified of losing another loved one and I am constantly thinking about how fast the days are going by, I feel like I don’t have enough TIME. I made the decision to wean myself off the medication and seek a natural approach. postpartum anxiety focused on: morbid anxiety regarding infant health and infant care, patho-logical fear of cot death (sudden infant death syndrome), fear of criticism or concerns about removal of the child. I could have been born in a 3rd world country where I had no food to eat and died when I was 3 or I could have been lucky enough to grow up and have a baby of my own only to see them starve to death being powerless to do anything about it. Thank you for your reply. My dad died suddenly the heart break I felt was dreadful but the only advice I can come up with is the fact you have to shut rubbish out of your mind, not an easy thing to do. You don’t have to live like that. The only thing is- I’m not a parent nor am I pregnant. Each time, they are okay. Of course, at the time I didn’t know this, so I just thought I was losing my mind. Take some time everyday to meditate and write down your feelings on paper. I live every day in fear. What would my family do without me? However, it is linked to other disorders such as phobias, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m in mini nightmares all day. Five years later. Im below 15 but above 12 years old and my mom is about 54. I remember one day , a couple of months ago my mom was feeling sick and she told me i am not feeling well so we arent going to the beach today. Then my other nan at 24. The three most common fears are fear of death, fear of losing control, and fear of going crazy. When I read these articles, it makes me think that maybe it starts with PPD and then it is anxiety, OCD, etc, without the PPD before it. Predatory death anxiety arises from the fear of being harmed. It is consuming me and I was sure that I was feeling these things because one of us going to die soon. Or every time I hear the sound of airplane or helicopter flying, I panic that it will crash and land on our house. I have constant thoughts that someone I love is going to die. It isn’t easy to do, but you can train yourself to do it with consistency. Anxiety scores were almost 50% higher in those who suffered from postpartum PTSD compared to those who experienced postpartum depression. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real concerns facing many women today. I don’t really have a solution but I think this; just talking it out inline with others who share the same things does help some. All i can think is, there was this once that I may have had a panic attack a few years back.. it was because I had gotten really mad and I was frusterated and I guess just lost control so my body just clenched and all I could do was cry and I had uneven breathing. I have been thinking that I have a good life. There is hope for you though. It is comforting to know that other people feel this way. Or I feel like I’m abandoning my son like he’s being shoved out of the fun or neglected. I want to stop thinking about this i don’t know why It keeps happening please make it stop. I gave birth to my daughter in July (she is my second child) and I never had any of the minor baby blues with her as I did with my son. Obviously I go about my day and think about work or plans etc but these thoughts are constantly creeping in. WE DON’t HAVE CHILDREN & MY HUSBAND IS 15 YEARS OLDER. It is such a huge relief to read about other women experiencing the same symptoms. I have had anxiety since middle school, I had my first panic attack in 8th grade and they would come and go throughout the years. I have horrible vivid nightmares of something terrible happening to them, even death. My stomach would be in knots for hours after one of my rounds of death thoughts. And now I finally found this article. I HAVE TO DYE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!! I have read this. I am her Father and do not mind admitting that I have gone from a strong and confident person to worrying everyday for my remaining family and keep breaking down emotionally. I also worried myself sick. I know it really isn’t my place to comment on this. In addition, the patient is also suffering from extreme restlessness and it makes the patient do everything with haste. These conditions are treatable! Yet all I can do is think of bad things happening to them sometimes. If my eldest gets a bruise, says his stomach or back hurt, has diarrhea, etc. My new man is amazing but I don’t feel I can tell him how much I’m worrying because I’m sure it will just sound stupid! Especially not since those around me are already grieving and scared in their own ways because of everything going on…. Hi all, I’m a 29 year old mother of a 7 year old girl and currently pregnant with another girl due march 2017. The end. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Oh I’m sorry. Your baby needs that love. She’s almost 13 now and I still have these fears. Sometimes I even imagine noises outside and go paralysed. I can’t sleep as a result. With no sin or death. But, every news story and tragedy I/everyone seems to hear on a weekly basis just makes me wonder “that could happen to me” and the worrying begins again! It’s a very common thing people experience and every time I have one I know that I am seeing a glimps of the path that was made for me to follow, it’s so familiar because you have seen your whole life plan before you were born and when you have a déjà vu you are simply being told your on the right track again in life. What would happen to me? maybe it was a snowball effect or a hidden trigger? But mostly with losing someone I really love and care about. I know I’ve such good potential to be the person I know I am, I feel like the anxiety and depression as a result of it is just holding me back. New motherhood in your 20’s makes it even more stressful because you are still trying to figure out your life and who you are, and now there is a whole new person to be responsible for – and you have to do it on no sleep. It’s like I just read a mini book of myself and found out exactly what is wrong with me,just scared to ask for help and probably just continue dealing with it like I have. One day my dad bought a dog, my cat wouldn’t come in again after that she died in winter and was found frozen stiff on a neighbours garden path. It is a clinically diagnosable level of anxiety. I want you to know that it can and will get better with help. For a while I kind of forgot about it. I have had anxiety but more for specific things like flying and refusing to fly and hating when loved ones fly but this is something new and I can’t stand it! You deserve to feel better. Life is for living so live it and make it wonderful. It’s not really easy to talk to family or friends about it and if you do I don’t feel like they really understand the depth of the anxiety or how scary the feeling is. I know this story is a few years old but i’m glad I came across it. I got up and went to my oldest son’s room; he was supposed to be napping, but was doing his usual routine of talking to himself to stay awake. Andrea, what a horrific story and so close to your home. I just can’t imagine me not being here for my 3 littles. Perhaps it’s just a part of my personality now, like my love of reading or loud laugh. Alexis Lesa describes her constant fears of losing her husband or children while she had postpartum anxiety. Overwhelming and excessive anxiety, worry and fear; Agitation and irritability; Avoiding things out of fear or worry that something bad will happen; Agoraphobia – fear of being in open and public spaces; Suicidal thoughts or attempts; Panic attacks; There are three distinct and common fears that women with postpartum panic disorder face: Fear of death I just googled “the fear of your loved ones dying” and found this which sounded very similar to how I feel. With postpartum panic disorder, you can have sudden panic attacks related to similar thoughts. This is not the case when my relatives/brother travel. Thank you (: -Also, I’m not a generally depressed person. I’m 21 years old and I’ve been experiencing this since I was a child. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. I hope you have been able to reach out for help. . I don’t know I just feel crazy. We get so self-absorbed about how we will be when worrying about our loved ones Do not discount meditation, prayer, exercise, talking – using your friends, support groups, etc. Economic status 1.2. I feel it’s much worse. My son is 2 now and I NEVER had this with my other 2 boys. It is old but I can relate to all the comments. It will take some time to convince it,  and some BIG consistency. I have not had a child but I fear death and my mother dying so bad that I cry or I just panic for days. This article will … Have hope Have love Have freedom from the evil that brings death and fear! You’ve been through a lot and it makes sense that you would struggle like this. I cry at the thought of my kids having another birthday because I know it means they will be older…the same for me, I dread turning 28….and so on. Exercising and eating well has helped me tons. Postpartum depression is usually accompanied by mood swings, difficulty bonding with your baby, fatigue, irritability, feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and thoughts of death or suicide. I hope you reach out. That means that 1, 3, 20 million of years we’ll still b around somewhere ETERNITY cripples me, those are concepts I can’t deal with. I am checking on the boys before I go to bed and sometimes even wake up in the middle of the night to check on them. Best Homeopathic Treatment for Anxiety during Postpartum Depression. I have a similar problem. I constantly am worried if he’s at his dads or with anyone else, and even still check in him to see if he’s breathing when he sleeps. I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. Peace to you and yours…. I continue to this day, after being on medication since 2004 and having gone through 2.5 years of therapy, to experience considerable anxiety over death/dying. You can’t help that, and there is nothing wrong with you. I’m only 17 years old, and have actually been having these feelings for about 2 years or so. ❤️. Nikki – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Not sure if it will ever go away. At one point, your thoughts landed onto the death of yourself or loved ones,   and you had an emotional reaction to that thought. Sometimes they come from anxiety (extreme worry and fear feelings) and sometimes they come because your brain is kind of like on repeat with the thoughts. You are right that depression and anxiety feel very scary, but please know you are not alone and there is treatment for both if you have either. Have you reached out for help regarding your anxiety? I did get on medication. My mom has always been the string one but even she is starting to age not that she recently retired. It’s a terrifying experience, I know, Emily. She thinks I have PPD that I never got taken care of. Not because, “Everybody goes to heaven”, but because we believe Christ died for our sins, has forgiven us, died on a bloody cross and rose from the dead to BEAT death. Or, please see your regular doctor or therapist and talk about your symptoms, if that’s an option for you. But we must allow our body to do what it is made to do and not push away the feelings. I knew this wasn’t normal behaviour I a very rational person usually – eventually I went to the doctor and completely broke down in the surgery. I always check the door if it’s locked. I’M NOW HUGELY REGRETTING NOT HAVING CHILDREN BUT CAN ONLY BE IMAGINE HOW I WOULD BE. I suppose I need to take what’s good about this part of postpartum anxiety and run with it, since I don’t know if it’s necessarily temporary. Is this fear going to grow as I age? It’s all very complicated. If there is anything about death I cant read it or watch it or listen to it. Words won’t offer 100% comfort and time just helps us cope with our loss. You are definitely not alone. I have this constant fear of losing my son and it makes me sad. “It is common for a new mom to worry about her infant’s wellbeing, and her ability as a caregiver,” points out Dr. Susan Park, a psychiatrist in New York City whose specialties include perinatal depression and anxiety. This article is exactly how I feel…except I don't have kids..its my parents, siblings, family, boyfriend…or me, of how I'm going to die…t drives me crazy…and I know I should be enjoying the moments while we r all here..but just to know its going to happen…bothers me..it takes my freedom..how can I enjoy life when I know those things r going to happen due to death being a part of life..I don't know what to do!! So i try to be conscious and careful not to smother her with worry and love. Those I like to think are simply our memories to our life path, sorry I started ranting about this stuff but I wanted to bring this up because these books and. His father passed away when he was only 11 months old and 4 years ago we were in an armed robbery at home. You’re not alone and treatment will help. And then there is always good feedback and advice in how to accept life on its terms. I am 18 weeks along today and my fears have been compounded. Please talk to someone so you don’t have to feel like this any longer. The idea that even one day many many decades in the future she might cease to be living hurts so bad. I love my kids most of anyone / anything else, but raising two very demanding twins in a foreign country, with an almost always absent father was unbearable. I constantly feel sick to my stomach so I just don’t eat and idk what to di I feel like there’s no hope for me, Tabitha, there is definitely hope for you. Follow Postpartum Progress's board Postpartum Depression Hope on Pinterest. I just want opinions really. Back when I was about 22 or 23 I started having panic attacks, so I went on meds (celexa or citalopram) and it helped me tremendously! I was frantic by the time I got to him. Katherine Stone is the creator of Postpartum Progress. Thanks Heidi. Some mothers live in constant fear that they will bring about serious harm to their baby, or even death. I hope you have been able to get some good counseling to work through this. Life will never be the same, but I know it can be better. You are so brave, and you’re right, it would be good to talk with someone. To read this and know that I am not the only one gives me some solace. Yes, the Bible speaks clearly of a real place where those put there are tormented day and night in a flame that never ceases forever and ever. J Psychiatry Psychiatric Disord 2017; 1 (2): 86-102 88 considered postpartum anxiety as similar to anxiety that occurs at other non-postpartum times. My husband asked me why I feel the compulsion to say that (even when I’m angry or annoyed with him), and I told him that if he or one of our children were to die suddenly, I would want the last words they heard to be “I love you.”. Once I found out about the first one, I just started obsessing over how death is inevitable and I could not even see my husband or daughter playing because it made me sad to think I might lose them one day. I have lived with this ever since. I am okay. Anyway, I rambled way too much. Thank u so much to the author and all the wonderful people who have commented. Omg its like i m typing all this.i m constantly worried about my daughter, its just getting worse.my daughter is 13 months old. I always think bad thinks. She is a shell of a person she was a year ago. I went for counselling as well, but that did not help. Its very isolating so I too, search on the internet for someone who shares in this pain. I had a lump under my arm and it is a fat tissue (lipoma) but I can’t stop playing with my armpit. I have read my little book a lot and find comfort….so I must have been led to write it for myself. I’d often think about my own death, too. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But it can be so crippling and hard at times.it’s like I’m afraid to move forward as I know that will lead closer to my families death and also mine. I know it sounds so cliché but your brain needs some TLC right now. Health status 1.4. The past 6 months or longer I have this fear of loosing my sons, they are 23,21 and 17 yrs old. Would anyone go to my funeral? You are definitely not alone. and the consequences… I read a lot about breast cancer because many people I know had it and it’s something that scares me a lot. Always check my phone is where I can reach it easily, panick button next to the bed and my toy gas gun I avoid any large social gatherings as i am scared the venue my be blown up or stampede. I came across this article that took the words out of my muddled brain and put them in front of me! Fear of childbirth may also be a symptom of PTSD associated with childbirth. ~ K, I just found this after googling thru tears “constant fear of children being hurt or dying” what I read sounds so much like me. Thank you, I just turned 16 the other day, but I’ve always constantly thought about this, I just lay in my bed and think about what if one of my parents or grandparents anyone close to me died, I go through each person and cry for hours when I’m alone. Door to those who experienced postpartum depression, fewer people know about postpartum anxiety is truly of... Let them go baby and best wishes to you, you can get some help my baby just. 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